If you guys follow me on Instagram, you might notice that #SheIsNotLost is one of my favorite hashtags, I use it all the time (among others). It’s inspired by the quote “Not all those who wander are lost” and it’s one that I heavily relate to. Well, most of the time.
Right now I do feel lost though. I started 2018 with so much energy and a desire to share and inspire more. I planned to write inspirational content on this blog and inspire the world (okay, well the tiny portion that I have access to) to live more and live purposefully and I’d eventually put it all in an amazing best-selling book. That’s the plan.
The problem is that it’s easy to get caught up with “the plan” or the destination and ignore the journey. Sometimes, quite honestly, I don’t want to deal with the journey and I wish that I could magically teleport to that place where I want to be. I brush aside the fact that the journey is far from perfect and that most of the time I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. In my personal life, I have challenges and fears that I’m dealing with and I almost don’t want to admit or talk about them because that suddenly would make them real, true or even factual. I want to skip to the part where everything is the way I want it to be and then MAYBE talk about my challenges then. When someone asks me how I’m doing, it’s easy to say “I’m awesome!” Our culture isn’t one that talks about feelings or personal struggles, there are far worse and more important things to be discussed….like what the government is not doing for wildlife conservation in Uganda, prevailing poverty, floods and rampant, widespread corruption. I’ve been raised to always be grateful and thank God for the blessings that I do have, focusing on the blessings and not the challenges.
The thing with challenges though is that not dealing with them does not make them go away. Going to the gym, eating cake, escaping from people, or whatever it is you do to make yourself feel better is only a temporary fix to what is really going on. One night I went to the gym at about 8pm, sat in the steam room thereafter, then bought a nice big giant slice of chocolate cake and gobbled it as I planned my next out-of-town adventure. Distraction after distraction after distraction. Just like how eating cake right after a workout is counterintuitive, so is going round in circles and not dealing with what actually got you there.
I’m praying that somewhere and sometime soon I figure it out but until then, I resolve that I’ll be more honest with myself and with you who is reading this. I’ll share not just the good but also the challenging, hoping that others that are going through something similar will know that they are not alone.
Has anyone felt the same way recently? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Xx